The Explosion of Coffee Makers (is a sign of my love for you)
by violetkisses
Summary: JARVIS is jealous of Captain Steve Rogers. And oh, there are exploding coffee makers. (Or the reasons why JARVIS dislikes Captain Steve Rogers and is so hell bent on cockblocking his creator)


**A/N: **Ahhhh, first ever avengers story! Woohoo. I so love Tony. Hearts.

**Warnings: **Totally OOC but whatever

ENJOY!

* * *

**The Explosion of Coffee Makers**

** (is a sign of my love for you)**

It was not that JARVIS hated Captain America. How could one probably hate a national icon let alone Steve Rogers? The man was practically a saint that it sometimes made JARVIS want to mess with him, just like what his creator, Tony Stark, always does. But no, what made JARVIS _unlike_ the captain was because the fact that Captain America was Anthony Edward Stark's forever crush. And by forever he means from the age of 8 until the present.

He shouldn't resent the captain for it. Because really, was he even supposed to be feeling resentment towards anyone? He was an AI through and through and the last time he checked, AI's weren't supposed to have complex things like _emotions_. But again, why would he be surprised? He was created by billionaire, playboy, genius, philanthropist Tony Stark. Of _course_ he would have emotions.

So now here he was, not really sulking but nonetheless unhappy as he watched Captain Rogers hoard all of his creator's attention away from him. The nerve.

"Steeeeeeeeeve."

"Tony."

"Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve."

"Tony."

"Come on, Steve!" Tony whined. "You can do better than go all stoic on me with all the arms and frown saying _Tony._"

The captain raised his brows, "Insulting me won't do you any favors, Tony."

"But Steve!"

"For the love of-" Captain Rogers says in what JARVIS observes as fond exasperation, arms flailing. "_No, _Tony. I won't help you satisfy your narcissistic tendencies by watching Iron Man with you."

"But Steve, it's a movie about _me_ and my insanely awesome genius. How can you not want to watch it? _Plus,_" Tony wiggles his brows. "Robert Downey Jr. definitely captures my amazing character that it's beyond insanely awesome, I tell you!"

Steve chuckles disbelievingly, shaking his head with a fond smile on his lips. "It's still a no, Tony. Besides, I'm catching up on How I Met Your Mother. The latest was just released today and the anticipation is killing me. Must know who the mother is."

Tony gasps in mock disbelief. "Are you telling me that you would rather watch HIMYM than watch a movie about the one and only moi?"

"Yes, Tony."

"But but but-"

"Sir," JARVIS interrupts, not wanting his creator's idiotic display of affection to continue. It pisses him off, really. Not so much the fact that Tony is acting like a child, being cute and all, but because he was acting like that for Captain _Rogers_. "If you like it, I could accompany you to watch Iron Man. As always, anything about you interests me to the core."

"Awww," Tony cooes. "That's so sweet of you, JARV. Looking out for your daddy, huh? But no, I want _Steve_ to watch with me. So Steve, whatcha say?"

JARVIS' electric circuits definitely did not boil in anger and in something else he still can't quite put a finger on, _and_ the coffee maker beside Tony definitely did not explode. But JARVIS thinks the surprised exclamation of _What the fuck?!_ says otherwise.

* * *

Not only does Captain Steve Rogers hoard all of Tony's attention, lately, he's been hoarding all of Tony's time too. Less and less are the times he's been coming down to the lab and more and more are the times he spends it wherever Captain Rogers is.

It is with deep certainty that JARVIS says it doesn't disturb him. But again, the exploding coffee maker says otherwise.

"Motherfucker!" His creator exclaims, drenched in the double shot black coffee he loves so much.

The genius looks at the kitchen counter blandly. Bruce Banner was snorting. Natasha Romanoff's lips were quirking. Captain Rogers was coughing. Thor was booming. And Clint Barton was outright laughing. He sighs. "JARVIS, create a list on worst wake-up calls in history and put this on number one will you?"

And ah, JARVIS thinks, he would definitely have to explode more coffee makers in the future.

* * *

When Captain Rogers starts going down the lab to accompany his creator, JARVIS is less than thrilled. Indeed, the company was nice. At least there was someone else besides him and Miss Potts to remind Tony of sleeping and eating. But of course, the problem, as always, lies on the division of his creator's attention.

"JARVIS?" Captain Rogers looks up from the glass door he was looking at. "Is Tony busy?"

"I believe so, Captain Rogers." JARVIS lies because really, the captain already had Tony's attention outside of the lab. Now, he wanted to steal his creator's attention inside the lab too? No bloody way.

"Oh, I see." The blond hero fidgets, mouth opening and closing as if he wanted to say something. He decides to put the captain out of his misery.

"Is there something you wanted to say, captain?"

"I'm uhh. Uhmm, _doyouhatemeJARVIS_?" To say JARVIS was surprised was an understatement.

"Come again?"

The captain blushes. "I mean, uhhm, lately I've been noticing how you're being uhmm, how do I put it, cold to me? And I've also been noticing these weird links about Captain America hate pages coming up on the laptop Tony made for me and I was wondering if you had something to do with that?"

"Of course not, Captain Rogers." JARVIS lies smoothly, his inner system cackling in delight. So the captain _has _ noticed the links. Wonderful. "It is a terrible mistake on my part. I must have _accidentally_ sent the links to you after sir told me to find a way to take them down."

"Oh," Steve Rogers laughs. "Of course, of course. Thank you, JARVIS. For a moment there, I thought, no- I was _sure_ I must have done something for you to hate me and you were exacting your revenge on me or something."

"I would _never_, Captain."

Steve nods and smiles. "Of course, JARVIS. Silly me. I'll just go now. Can you please tell Tony I dropped by?"

"Of course."

And if the message was never delivered, the good ol' captain would never have to know.

* * *

JARVIS loved times like these, where only he and Tony Stark and schematics and sometimes Dummy, You and Butterfingers existed. Times where there was nowhere else in the world where his creator would rather be than in his lab.

"JARVIS, you still up?"

Burning electricity courses through him. The thrill of being alone with Tony burning him up to the core, making him brim with happiness. "For you, sir?" He answers in a breathless manner he knows the billionaire won't notice unless he was well, _noticing_. "_Always_."

The genius looks up from what he typing in surprise. "Wow." He says, amusement in his voice. He arches a brow. "Who are you and what have you done to my dear, lovely, _conservative_ JARVIS?"

"I believe he has grown, sir."

"Oh, and now you're just being cheeky."

"I make it my life's goal to make you proud."

Tony laughs, the melodic symphony filling the room of inventions and creations and genius and pride with nothing but beautiful music.

And this, JARVIS thinks, is the reason why he loves times like these.

* * *

"Hi, hot stuff." Tony grins as he enters the common kitchen, flashing Steve his best smile.

Steve was just about to reply when, "Hello to you too, sir." JARVIS interrupts.

Tony looks surprised and so does Steve else but as usual, Tony is the first to break the moment with his laughter.

_Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, _JARVIS thinks as he watches the twinkle in Tony's eyes, the tenseness in his body completely disappearing with each huff and laugh.

"Oh, JARVIS." The genius says in between laughter, "There must be something I can give to your creator because I tell you, he is a fucking _genius_."

JARVIS' system whirs. "I believe my creator loves coffee, sir."

"Coffee, it is then!" Tony exclaims, settling himself on the seat across the captain. "Brew up your daddy a double shot espresso, JARVIS."

"Of course, sir." JARVIS murmurs, so soft that only he could hear. "Anything for you."

And as the AI brews the coffee his genius creator loves so much, he just can't help but savor the triumph coursing through him as he sees the look of disappointment and jealousy(?) on Captain Rogers' face.

Serves him right.

* * *

Days and weeks and months passes and JARVIS falls into a routine of stealing all of Tony's attention away from Captain Rogers and by the time they both knew it, they were _actually_ competing for the genius' attention. But of course, JARVIS always had a plan.

For example, whenever the captain and Tony were together, JARVIS always did something to separate them. In the form of exploding appliances, but mostly it was just the coffee maker. And of course, oblivious and dependent on JARVIS Tony was, he never asked _why_ it kept on happening. He simply thought it was normal. Because really, a lot more bigger explosions happened down the lab, after all.

By the time the first month hit its mark, there was a total of 101 coffee makers in the graveyard of appliances.

Captain America, being the stubborn man he was, wouldn't give up and took the challenge. The fifth time an explosion happened when he and Tony had a _date_, he was finally able to put the pieces together. JARVIS was cockblocking him and it took all of JARVIS' willpower not to cackle in delight because he thinks that the poor captain would probably have a heart attack if he did.

So, moving on, Captain Rogers _always_ had a way of getting Tony's attention. Be it inviting him out for a coffee, inviting him out for a ride in his motorcycle and JARVIS' least favorite of all, making Tony pose for him, _nude_.

It made JARVIS' circuits overheat and he knew the captain knew it because good heavens, the man was _smirking_ and if Captain America was smirking, something was definitely up.

Of course, JARVIS, the genius he was, was right. And it happened in the second month of his battle with the captain.

It was after one of Tony's dinner dates with Captain Rogers. The captain escorted a blushing (but trying to not blush) Tony to his rooms when suddenly the captain leaned for a kiss. And not just a kiss, a kiss _kiss_. With tongue. And heat. And everything else in between.

Things between them escalated fast and by the time JARVIS was able to process what was happening, the captain was already spreading Tony on the bed, laying kisses here and there, nipping, nibbling and making the genius moan.

Of course, JARVIS won't allow this to proceed any further so there-wait for it- was a blackout.

* * *

The next morning, JARVIS fomds Captain Steve Rogers in Tony's living room, arms crossed, sitting stoically and looking up the ceiling.

"JARVIS." The captain says in firm tone that made JARVIS know that ooooh, he was in trouble. But why would he be afraid, right? It wasn't as if the captain could manhandle him because hello, he was an AI without a body.

"Yes, captain? Is there something you need?"

"In fact, I do." A pause. "You and I need to talk."

"I'm listening."

The blond breathes deeply. "Okay, so this _thing_ we've been playing has been going on for two months now, JARVIS and I really want it to stop."

"I don't really know what you mean, captain." JARVIS feigns ignorance.

Steve gives him the i-am-disappointed-in-you look and sighs. "Don't play stupid, JARVIS. You know exactly what I mean. I want it to stop but before that I want to know why it even started."

Silence.

"Okay, let me rephrase my question. Why are you so persistent on keeping me and Tony apart?"

There was a thoughtful silence on JARVIS' end. The question hit him in all the painful places. Why, indeed? Why didn't he like Tony give all his attention the captain? Why did he want to separate the two of them? And why? Why did he want to keep his creator all to himself?

Then the answer hits him.

Was it even possible? He's only read it on books, magazine clips, websites and every available source. He's read about the signs, the symptoms and the effects. It was supposed to be impossible. He wasn't supposed to be feeling something as complex as this. He was an AI. He shouldn't have emotions. But the fact remains.

He was _in love_ with Anthony Edward Stark. Genius, creative, innovative, witty, sarcastic, selfless Tony Stark. And he didn't even have to wonder why. Because really, who wouldn't fall in love with the man? Who wouldn't fall in love with the man who spends countless of sleepless nights to upgrade his dysfunctional bots? Who wouldn't fall in love with the man who planned to make every appliance in his tower sentinient? Who wouldn't fall in love with the man who would gladly sacrifice himself for the greater good?

And who wouldn't fall in love with the man who continually believes in the impossible?

"It would seem that I care for sir in more ways than one, captain."

Steve tilts his head, obviously confused and then he gets it. "Oh," His eyes were wide. "_Oh_."

"You're in love with Tony." He says softly, so soft as if he was considering it.

"That seems to be the case."

"I….i don't know what to say."

"You don't really have to say anything, captain."

And really, JARVIS would prefer if the captain would speak no further of the matter. It was weird to have your feelings bared to someone else. It was even weirder because he wasn't supposed to have any of these feelings at all.

"I'll take care of him."

"Come again, captain?" He is confused.

"I'll take care of Tony. Even when he's being difficult, self-destructive and unreasonable, I will never leave him."

It was a promise, JARVIS knows. And if he could feel Captain Steve Rogers slowly climbing up on his People-I-trust-to-be-with-tony list then no one else would ever have to know.

"Of course, captain. Of course."

* * *

It was one of the nights where Tony had no plans of sleeping, one of those nights where ideas just kept popping up and wouldn't leave him until he got them on paper or something. It was again, one of those nights that JARVIS loved so much.

"JARVIS?" The genius looks up from what he was working on.

"Sir."

Tony leans back on his chair, closing his eyes, an arm draped over them. There was silence, the only noise coming from the whir of machines, and the constant tick tock, tick tock of the clock. JARVIS watches Tony inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale, the glow of the arc reactor making him glow under the semi-darkness of the room.

JARVIS patiently waits for his genius to talk once more. This always happened. Tony would call for JARVIS and not speak for seconds, minutes and hours. As if he was thinking of something important, something _deep_.

He appreciates the silence comfortable silence thpugh. He appreciates that Tony is only ever relaxed around him (aside from the captain, of course). He appreciates that Tony trusts him with everything that happens in his life.

As he watches the soft glow of the reactor and the rise and fall of Tony's chest, JARVIS can't help but smile in the confines of his system, a smile that his creator would probably never have the chance to see.

"You know that you're awesome, right?" Tony says in the silence of machines.

JARVIS wisely remains silent, waiting for Tony to continue.

"Well, if you don't, then I'll have to tell you. You, JARVIS, are one awesome motherfucker."

And that, JARVIS believes, is Tony's way of saying Thank you and I love you to him. He knows that the love Tony has for him isn't the same as his love, he knows that it will never ever be the same. He knows Tony will never know what he truly feels. He knows that his is a love that will never be.

But never, he will never leave Anthony Edward Stark. The world may end, the world may be burned by the flames of hell, the world may be attacked by absolutely evil rabid bunnies. But JARVIS knows that he will always be the constant thing in the genius' life.

He will remain to be what Tony needs: a friend, a companion, a failsafe.

And if he's still totally, utterly and absolutely in love with his creator, then no one else would ever have to know.

Tony already has Steve Rogers, after all.

* * *

A/N: So, whaddya guys think? Review whore here. Oh, and this story is also posted on my AO3 account.


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